I recently got my DNA tested and it turns out I'm 30% Ashkenazi Jew. Someone called me a "nazi" once, little did I know it was sort of true. Funny thing: based on family heritage, I always assumed I was 1/2 Norwegian and 1/4 Jew, but the testing shows that about 5% of the Norwegian genetic material lost out to the Jewish side. Do you think the Jew genes tricked the Scandinavian ones somehow? Or charged them interest in the womb? For the record, I'm not a self-hating Jew, I'm just self-hating. And self-loving.
I wonder what else they'll be able to test for soon. Like gayness. I'd like to know where I stand on the gay spectrum, because who really knows, what with all the weird dreams you have and James Franco running around all over the place. But I think I'm probably around the 10% mark because I'm a mixed martial arts fan, and watching two pumped dudes roughly groping each other inside a cage is about as gay as it gets.
I think pretty much anyone who watches sports is automatically at least 10% gay, right? Unless you're some loner guy who only watches women's athletic competitions, in which case you should probably be reported to the authorities.
Issue: 12-3 (orig. pub. date: )
