Go ahead, invest your life savings in NFT’s, i.e. Not Fucking anyThings, but if you’re more interested in winning a speedboat race through the waters of capitalism, I strongly suggest you go on Shark Tank with this hot business idea:
Spanx are a rapidly growing market. Half of the population over the age of 50 wears them, thanks to decades of beer and french fry deposits, not to mention the typical childbearing hormonal holocaust. And now listen very closely, for I’m about to tell you that designer and/or graphic print and/or spotted jungle cat pattern Spanx varieties would sell like fucking hotcakes. I mean, even I would wear Spanx if they were emblazoned with a Magma logo pattern.
Other idiots are probably onto this idea already, so you’ll have to up the ante. Some pitch riffs:
Shark Tank likes to see financials, so here goes: manufacture 100,000 Spanksies in Malaysia for $5 apiece and sell them for $25 in the U.S. for a cool $2M gross. Got that? Production costs should be fronted by investors, who are promised a healthy return right before you buy a fake passport on the dark web and move to the Maldives for ever.
Issue: 15-3 (orig. pub. date: )
